WHAT IF...WEDNESDAY WITH THE WEIRD WORLDS OF THE WATCHER

In our world there are rules. The comic industry has a status quo that cannot be ignored or changed because the consequences are severe. But out in the far reaches of the universe there are many other worlds, and an infinite number of possibilities. Whenever life offers us two choices, regardless of what we choose, there is yet another world where the alternative was chosen. In our world, there are annoying legions of fans that demand comic books maintain continuity and seriousness.....
But what if the artists and writers of a popular publishing company were free to write and draw whatever they wanted to?

Written by The Marvel Gang (Millar, Bendis, Vaughn, Brubaker, Stan Lee, etc.)
Art by Jim Mahfood
from WHA...HUH? (un-numbered), 2005



remember to close your curtains, folks, because the Watcher is always watching; he even watched the Watchmen movie....





is it just me, or does Ben Grimm always get screwed in nine out of ten WHAT IF scenarios? why does Marvel hate him so?



also in the works: WOLVERINE meets OPRAH, MARVEL TEAM-UP featuring WOLVERINE, HOT STUFF AND HIS DEVIL KID FRIENDS featuring WOLVERINE, VAMPIRELLA and WOLVERINE vs DRACULA, ADVENTURE TIME with FINN, JAKE, and WOLVERINE, DORA THE EXPLORER explores Canada with WOLVERINE.....



EXCELSIOR!! (i never did understand the fascination with that word, but it still sounds cool; kinda just rolls off the tongue, y'know?)



what the...?!?! no KICK ASS? no OLD MAN LOGAN? i'm glad i don't live in that universe, i think Millar is cool.

so what does Uatu think of these divergent timelines?


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WHAT IF...WEDNESDAY WITH GIANT ROBOTS

It's got to be hard growing up and living in the shadow of an older sibling that's a superhero. Doubly hard when you have two super powered siblings.
But what if luck smiled on you and provided you with your own way to make a name for yourself???

by Joe Kelly and James Daly
fromWHAT IF? #92, December 1996

It starts, harmlessly enough with Josh Guthrie finding something strange down at the local fishing hole...





At first, he uses his newly found 'friend' to harass the school bully, then to impress the girl he likes. Both resulting badly. As the robot menace becomes the talk of the town, Josh thinks he'll be popular and impress his family. Instead, his family is still preoccupied with throwing a party for Sam (Cannonball) and Paige (Husk), much to Josh's dismay...



His brief career as a superhero doesn't work out quite so well....



He finally gives up and tries to retire the Sentinel, but when the day of the party comes....









In the end, family is still family. And it takes more than a giant robot to make a hero.


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THE FOUR GET ROASTED (JAM STYLE)

You remember when MARVEL used to be fun?? Yeah, I know, it was just a few months back when they released their last Christmas Special comic.
You remember when DC was fun?? Yeah, I can't remember that far back either. Just when did "AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE" get released???
Anyways, we're not here to play favorites and indulge in name-calling (the characters in this story do enough of that already), we're here to look at a truly lost classic in comics history.
Enjoy it, folks. It'll probly be a long time before I can dig up something this dang 'ol funny.

by Fred Hembeck, Jim Shooter and just about everybody else (just click the link for credits, too many artists contributed to this, and I'm too lazy to type all their names)
from FANTASTIC FOUR ROAST (THE WORLD'S SILLIEST COMIC MAGAZINE), May 1982




...in typical Hembeck style, the humor starts right from the very start. Once they get to the banquet hall, they soon realize just exactly what they're in for...



...first up is one of the FF's very first guest stars, much to Johnny's dismay....




...the Sandman isn't the only villain in attendance, take a closer look at the audience...



...but this issue isn't about fight scenes and violence; it's a roast; next up:



...and of course, wherever Lt. Rogers goes, Tony Stark is never too far behind...



...UNINVITED GUEST ALERT...



...Banner was actually one of Richard's old friends in the original continuity, wasn't he??



...the Hulk 'flies' away?!? No roof on this convention center? Bad plotting by Hembeck? Easier than 'exiting stage right'?? We may never know...regardless, next up is a couple of Marvel's 70's guys (that haven't done much since then, despite Marvel trying to push these characters upon us repeatedly)...



...since there's so freakin' many of them, the Avengers only get one-liners...



...(the Moondragon to Beast panels: is that a gay joke??)...next up is a couple of guys who made their debuts within the pages of 'the World's Greatest Comic Magazine"...



...bet y'all never saw this next roaster coming, and neither did he...



...this next segment seriously confuses me. Are the X-Men being jerks because of a then-current storyline? Or is this an in-joke against the then-current creative team? Or is this just totally random humor? I don't get it...



...almost positive that this next one is a rip on Ditko (poor Steve)...



...who could possibly follow up all those roasters? you'll never guess that it's this next guy...



...in the tradition of the old school roasts (a tradition that Comedy Central continues with their 'celebrity roast' series), at the end, the roasted ones become the roasters. So, just what does the FF have to say? Read on, true believer...





...b-b-b-b-b-that's all, folks!!
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BE X-TRA SAFE

From the (almost) never-ending supply of promotional comics, comes this little gem. Triply sponsored by Marvel, Blockbuster Video, and The National Center For Missing And Exploited Children, it's aim is to teach kids about dealing with shady people.
If you're a teacher, day care worker, or work with kids, I reckon you could print this and distribute it freely without breaking any copyright laws. (You might make a few calls first to see if free copies of this or other comics are still available in bulk orders from NCMEC).

by Mariano, David Boller, and Greg Adams
from BE X-TRA SAFE WITH THE X-MEN, 1996








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