WHAT IF...WEDNESDAY WITH THE WATCHING WATCHERS

Going way, way back to the original run of Lee & Kirby's Fantastic Four, this story seems like it came about a few decades late. But it's still interesting.
Not only is it the very first What If? tale done by Stan The Man himself, it also has a twist ending similar to the old horror and sci-fi shorts that Lee did for the old Atlas Comics line.
Good stuff. EXCELSIOR! (whatever that means)

by Stan Lee and Dale Eaglesham
from WHAT IF? #200, February 2011










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WHAT IF...WEDNESDAY WITH THE WEIRD WORLDS OF THE WATCHER

In our world there are rules. The comic industry has a status quo that cannot be ignored or changed because the consequences are severe. But out in the far reaches of the universe there are many other worlds, and an infinite number of possibilities. Whenever life offers us two choices, regardless of what we choose, there is yet another world where the alternative was chosen. In our world, there are annoying legions of fans that demand comic books maintain continuity and seriousness.....
But what if the artists and writers of a popular publishing company were free to write and draw whatever they wanted to?

Written by The Marvel Gang (Millar, Bendis, Vaughn, Brubaker, Stan Lee, etc.)
Art by Jim Mahfood
from WHA...HUH? (un-numbered), 2005



remember to close your curtains, folks, because the Watcher is always watching; he even watched the Watchmen movie....





is it just me, or does Ben Grimm always get screwed in nine out of ten WHAT IF scenarios? why does Marvel hate him so?



also in the works: WOLVERINE meets OPRAH, MARVEL TEAM-UP featuring WOLVERINE, HOT STUFF AND HIS DEVIL KID FRIENDS featuring WOLVERINE, VAMPIRELLA and WOLVERINE vs DRACULA, ADVENTURE TIME with FINN, JAKE, and WOLVERINE, DORA THE EXPLORER explores Canada with WOLVERINE.....



EXCELSIOR!! (i never did understand the fascination with that word, but it still sounds cool; kinda just rolls off the tongue, y'know?)



what the...?!?! no KICK ASS? no OLD MAN LOGAN? i'm glad i don't live in that universe, i think Millar is cool.

so what does Uatu think of these divergent timelines?


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WHAT IF...WEDNESDAY WITH STRETCHY SUPERHEROES

The Fantastic Four, by some inexplicable reason, all gained different powers after being exposed to cosmic rays. Reed and Sue seemed to get the best part of the deal (or at least they adapted well), while Ben became detached and grouchy and Johnny became arrogant and superficial because of their respective powers.
But what if the playing field were leveled, and they all shared the same defect?

by Jim Valentino and Hilary Barta
from WHAT IF? #11, March 1990





Bonus points for you if you recognized the way they just parodied Plastic Man's origin story right there...


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THE FOUR GET ROASTED (JAM STYLE)

You remember when MARVEL used to be fun?? Yeah, I know, it was just a few months back when they released their last Christmas Special comic.
You remember when DC was fun?? Yeah, I can't remember that far back either. Just when did "AMBUSH BUG: YEAR NONE" get released???
Anyways, we're not here to play favorites and indulge in name-calling (the characters in this story do enough of that already), we're here to look at a truly lost classic in comics history.
Enjoy it, folks. It'll probly be a long time before I can dig up something this dang 'ol funny.

by Fred Hembeck, Jim Shooter and just about everybody else (just click the link for credits, too many artists contributed to this, and I'm too lazy to type all their names)
from FANTASTIC FOUR ROAST (THE WORLD'S SILLIEST COMIC MAGAZINE), May 1982




...in typical Hembeck style, the humor starts right from the very start. Once they get to the banquet hall, they soon realize just exactly what they're in for...



...first up is one of the FF's very first guest stars, much to Johnny's dismay....




...the Sandman isn't the only villain in attendance, take a closer look at the audience...



...but this issue isn't about fight scenes and violence; it's a roast; next up:



...and of course, wherever Lt. Rogers goes, Tony Stark is never too far behind...



...UNINVITED GUEST ALERT...



...Banner was actually one of Richard's old friends in the original continuity, wasn't he??



...the Hulk 'flies' away?!? No roof on this convention center? Bad plotting by Hembeck? Easier than 'exiting stage right'?? We may never know...regardless, next up is a couple of Marvel's 70's guys (that haven't done much since then, despite Marvel trying to push these characters upon us repeatedly)...



...since there's so freakin' many of them, the Avengers only get one-liners...



...(the Moondragon to Beast panels: is that a gay joke??)...next up is a couple of guys who made their debuts within the pages of 'the World's Greatest Comic Magazine"...



...bet y'all never saw this next roaster coming, and neither did he...



...this next segment seriously confuses me. Are the X-Men being jerks because of a then-current storyline? Or is this an in-joke against the then-current creative team? Or is this just totally random humor? I don't get it...



...almost positive that this next one is a rip on Ditko (poor Steve)...



...who could possibly follow up all those roasters? you'll never guess that it's this next guy...



...in the tradition of the old school roasts (a tradition that Comedy Central continues with their 'celebrity roast' series), at the end, the roasted ones become the roasters. So, just what does the FF have to say? Read on, true believer...





...b-b-b-b-b-that's all, folks!!
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HEMBECK DOES HAWKMAN

by Fred Hembeck
from HEMBECK 1980, February 1980

As promised in the title of this post, here's Hembeck's take on Hawkman:




Even Mr. Hembeck himself freely admits that he is not afraid of running a gag into the ground (how many Brother Voodoo spoofs did he do at Marvel?). He takes a second shot at Hawkman & Hawkgirl in this same issue, throwing in a few Marvel characters as well:






There were a lot of good parodies in this book, but I'm going to finish off with this crazy look at the many different Spidermans, and what would happen if they all had to catch the same bus:



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Also check out this link:

Neil Polowin's collection of Hembeck comic strips
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